Well, it’s been a while since I’ve blogged. I wish I could say that the Lord told me to take a break, but I’m all about transparency, so I’m going to keep it real and let you know that I have been going through a tough season! Instead of seeking God and trusting Him, I have been trying to figure it out myself. SMH!
Well, I graduated from college + nursing school in July and I had to prepare to take NCLEX at the end of August. This $300 test determined if I would get my license to practice as a R.N. Well, I passed my test! Great, right? I thought so too…so many people have to retake this test, over and over and over. God is truly faithful, even when we don’t deserve it.
But then, we had to move…. and in the midst of us moving, someone broke into our cars. No biggie right?
Well, it shouldn’t have been. Because I’m a child of God, and things like that don’t shake my faith. I know that the same God that provides and protects me will continue to do the same. I wish that was how I acted! This thing had me so torn up! I couldn’t believe that someone would take what I worked hard for, my GIFTS that I had gotten for graduation, MY car, MY this and MY that. Then, I finally got the strength to pray (yea, I slacked off, I was DEPRESSED ya’ll) and God wrecked my heart. Did I really trust him, or did I serve him for material blessings? Was I upset because someone stole a lot of stuff from me? Did I let a little ole break-in, some missing clothes and electronics shake my faith? Is that all it took? Then he sent me to Hebrews 13:5.
Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
GOD, I am SO sorry. I don’t love money or things more than you. Forgive me. Strengthen me. I was straight convicted.
& ever since then, it has been test after test after test. IN EVERY AREA OF MY LIFE! I’m taking about my marriage, my job, my family, my health, finances, EVERYTHING! I had gotten so far away that it’s hard to hear God, it’s hard to feel his presence, it’s hard to get up that hour early and be intentional about spending time with Him.
& through all of these tests, God has been telling me to blog it. Share my story with others, be an inspiration.
Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding”
But GOD, I want to understand WHY things are going this way??? WHY can’t I hear you?? WHY don’t I understand what’s happening? WHY can’t I see the end result?? You see, all along, I could’ve sought after God, and found strength in His Word… but instead I wanted to figure it out myself. Instead of getting on my face before Him, I was running to this friend and that friend for advice, instead of crying out to God, I was crying and trying to fix it myself. I was out of line, I was running away and God was telling me to come back, God was saying “I love you, trust in me, and don’t try to figure it out, trust my plan!”
You see, we can claim to be so holy and act like we have it all together; but when our faith is tested, it shows our true colors. Do you love God whole-heartedly, or only when things are going good? When it is time for you to be tested, will you waiver or stand strong in your faith? Read James 1.
2 My brothers and sisters, you will have many kinds of trouble. But this gives you a reason to be very happy. 3 You know that when your faith is tested, you learn to be patient in suffering. 4 If you let that patience work in you, the end result will be good. You will be mature and complete. You will be all that God wants you to be.
I love ya’ll, God loves you more.