Hey there sweet lovelies! My name is Raven. I’m 22 years old and I love to blog. I also love reading, worshipping God, makeup, DIY projects, cooking, couponing, hanging with family, and “trap” gospel… smile…and I found out today that painting makes my heart sing! I’m not the best at it, sometimes I paint outside of the lines… but that’s okay… because I’m not perfect!
Today, I realized that I’m not perfect…and that it is OK!
I’ve made mistakes. I’ve chosen the wrong path more than a few times. I’ve made straight up, BAD decisions. I’ve gotten caught up in the hype, and tried to live my life for other people. I have literally drowned, attempting to make everyone else around me happy. Trying to make it seem as if I have it all together…a perfect life.
But the thing is, I DON’T have a perfect life. I have to accept the hand I was dealt. I had a rough childhood. My father was not present. I didn’t have “money.” I didn’t have many friends and I had no self esteem. I chose my major because it was what everyone wanted me to do. I went to college at Darton because I wanted to be in a dysfunctional relationship. I graduated, went to work and started spending money on everything I thought would fill my emptiness, my voids. Instead of letting my PERFECT savior come into my heart, I learned to hide my brokenness behind this “perfect” life act.
See, I was “saved”…but I was still broken. I felt like I had to “make it,” in order to prove to everyone that I could be successful (based upon materialistic things.) That’s the thing, I felt I had to prove MYSELF! In the process, I lost myself.
I learned how you can get married at 20, graduate and be a registered nurse at 21, buy a BMW at 22 & be absolutely miserable EVERYDAY! I learned how you can be so consumed with
not becoming something that you forget what you want out of life. I learned that you can focus on society and its standards and lose your own. I learned that people will hold you in bondage and when you try to leave, you literally lose everyone and everything around you.
I spent 22 years of my life, trying to make everyone else “proud of me”, and trying to fit it. Nobody told me that it was OK to be different, that it was OK to not fit it, that it was OK to run my own business, start a non-profit, blog, manage social media accounts, do makeup, YouTube and most importantly go around telling people my testimony. Nobody told me that I didn’t have to settle for less that I deserve. Nobody told me that I could do exactly what I wanted, be happy, and still be SUCCESSFUL! Nobody told me that it didn’t matter if I drove a Honda or BMW, as long as I was HAPPY. Nobody told me that if I didn’t want to go to college, I would be ok as long as I did what God told me to do. So I grew up trying to please all these people… instead of God. I didn’t learn that you can be HAPPY and SUCCESSFUL… I thought it was either or.
When I started my blog, I didn’t even tell many of my family members because I felt they wouldn’t read it, or wouldn’t have anything positive to say. I wanted to start a YouTube back in 2013, but I remember someone laughing and saying “Nobody will watch you!” I was ashamed of my testimony because I felt my family didn’t want anyone to know that we aren’t this perfect family. Everyday was a war inside of me because I did everything that PEOPLE wanted, nothing that made me happy!
I always used to wonder how some people got to love their job, while others seem to just come to work day in and day out…miserable? Why some people make the most of their money and others spend it trying to keep up with the latest cars and houses? Why people with tons of money still seemed to be unhappy, yet people with just enough were so happy!? How some people got to be absolutely HAPPY, yet other just learn to be satisfied with the life they’ve created.
It’s because you have to FLY! You won’t please everyone. People won’t get you sometimes and that’s ok! Once you find the people that love you for you, hold on to them. The ones that will hangout with you if you are broke and have to eat at home instead of a restaurant. The ones that will support you in doing what God called you to do! I spent TWENTY TWO years, not learning what makes Raven happy, what Raven wants or her goals.. but twenty-two years learning how to people please. I won’t spend another DAY doing this….. and I know I am not perfect. I will miss the mark sometimes. I’m no longer afraid of failure, but what will happen if I never chose to fly.
2 Corinthians 12:9-KJV
“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
Psalm 139:14- NKJV
“I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;Marvelous are Your works,And that my soul knows very well.”
Jeremiah 29:11-17- MSG
This is God’s Word on the subject: “As soon as Babylon’s seventy years are up and not a day before, I’ll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.“When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I’ll listen. “When you come looking for me, you’ll find me.“Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed.” God’s Decree.“I’ll turn things around for you. I’ll bring you back from all the countries into which I drove you”—God’s Decree—“bring you home to the place from which I sent you off into exile. You can count on it!”