I wanted to do a fertility “update” (so to speak) today, but then I realized many of you might not know the backstory. I believe that the backstory is equally as important, if not MORE important than the ending of a miraculous story. You see, what would the story of Samuel be, if we didn’t know the beginning? The backstory changes the way we look at the ending. We know to look at Samuel differently because we know what all Hannah had to endure to have him. We see her giving Samuel BACK to God as an ultimate sacrifice because we know that He was the child that she PRAYED for, the one that she WEPT for and PLEADED to God for.
I don’t know about ya’ll but… whew, that’s a strong woman to be able to give her (then) ONLY child to God. The child that she struggle to conceive. The child that she fasted and prayed for. You see Hannah had to give Samuel back to God, not knowing if that would be her ONLY child. It is the backstory that makes the ending SO miraculous. You see, most of the time a miracle occurs is when there is a backstory.
So, I wanted to share OUR backstory so that our journey makes sense. I know it seems like we JUST started our journey to growing our family, but the truth is that we are almost two years into “officially” TTC (trying to conceive.) This isn’t even counting the time when before we were married. We’ve always known that we wanted to have children together.
I’ve always struggled with irregular cycles and heavy periods. I tried several different pills, but all gave me horrible side effects. One in particular cause me to have severe hypertension. I had to stay in the ER until my blood pressure went down to something less likely to cause a stroke. Needless to say, I was not a good candidate for birth control. However, I did get the Depo shot twice in 2011. My period didn’t come on for a year. I went to two doctors and they both told me that it was ok.. I just had to wait for the birth control to leave my system. When my cycle FINALLY came back on, I bled for MONTHS. There was “nothing they could do.”
By this time I was a nursing student and I knew that something was not right with my body. I had maybe three cycles a year and they were extremely long and painful. I tried a different doctor that told me I should be on birth control (because of my age) despite the horrible side effects it gave me. I begged this doctor to do an ultrasound and more lab works, because all of my research led me to believe that I had PCOS. He would not do it. He gave me the option to take the birth control or not.
By this point we were married and of course everybody is asking “when are ya’ll going to have kids?” I mean, the pressure is ON once you get married. Never mind the year we were living together before. Lol. We’d moved, so I had the chance to
fight with—visit another doctor. This time, I was told that I was too young to have PCOS AND that my thyroid was fine. I don’t know who determined that one lab test could determine if you had PCOS or not. This is when I learned how to be my own advocate and research! This doctor also prescribe birth control and sent me on my way. No additional labs, no ultrasound… just the pill. Which, I’d already told them I could not take. I started doing TONS of research on PCOS. I was learning how certain foods could affect you hormones, so I was an on-again-off-again vegetarian. Nothing serious. I did notice that every time I stopped eating meat, my cycle would come on. Even if it had been months. I couldn’t find a doctor that would listen to my concerns and take me serious, so I had to figure it out on my own.
We sorta “tried” off and on, but it wasn’t happening for us. It would’ve helped if I would have known that I actually needed to know a lot more before “trying.” Lol. I guess I was thinking we would be the whole- oops, I’m pregnant. Nah. My cycle didn’t even come on for the entire year. Until, I did a Daniel’s Fast. I couldn’t believe it, but every single time I would cut meat out of my diet, my cycle would come on! I knew there had to be a correlation. At this point, we seriously wanted kids but it just wasn’t happening. We had no idea what we were up against because no doctor would even listen to me. That is… until we moved.
The End of 2015-2016
We moved to 4.5 hours away from home and we seriously still wanted a baby. Lol. It still wasn’t happening. We went through a season of significant losses in our lives. We loss three close family member and STILL couldn’t get pregnant. I know I seriously felt like God was punishing me, horribly. It seemed like everyone around me either already had a child, or was currently pregnant. Thankfully, around that time, I found an amazing new doctor. [If you are in the north Atlanta area, I totally recommend him.] He asked how long we had been active without being on birth control which = the diagnosis of infertility, plus he did an ultrasound and labs which = PCOS + endometriosis AND an inverted uterus. This was a HUGE slap in the face for us because I went in thinking we had ONE battle to fight, when actually it was three. .
I spent a lot of time in a state of depression. I was torn between having surgery to remove the endometriosis vs trying things naturally first. I ended up going naturally, but I’ve learned that that requires SO MUCH MORE discipline. Jeez. I went vegan as a way of TTC naturally (I’ll explain in a different post.) I started taking a couple different herbs and supplements. We tracked my cycles [originally I was not even having a cycle regularly, but once going vegan- I did!] However, that caused the endometriosis pain to seriously knock me out. That’s when I started doing even more research and learning how my diet and life played an even bigger part in my fertility. I spent 2016 working on me, my body and my new lifestyle. We did track cycles and try when I was suspected to ovulate. Still no baby thomas twins.
Which leads us to here. Almost two full years into TCC. My doctor wants me to continue to lose weight and stick with my lifestyle, before moving onto IUI/IVF. We feel like God can open wombs and preform miracles JUST like he did for Hannah. Currently, I am tracking cycles and taking vitex to help with ovulation. We are believing God for a HUGE miracle, and we want him to be glorified in the entire journey. You see, the people that are going to see me pregnant and not know my story will think… just another pregnant lady. However, when you know the BACKSTORY, you know the tears over another negative test, the heartache as another Mother’s Day goes by, the hurt when people make insensitive comments, the weeping in prayer, the fasting, the sacrifice (ya’ll I gave up my FAVORITE food (forever) for our BABIES that we don’t even have yet!) See, When you know the backstory, you have a new perspective on the journey.
P.S- I wanted to kinda give ya’ll a mini-version of our journey so far, so that every update from here on out can truly be an update! WE desire for God to be magnified and glorified in our current sufferings, therefore we have decided to go PUBLIC with our entire journey. So when ya’ll see our family, you will say, “I remember the days they prayed for this child.” “I remember the days they fasted for this child. I remember the things they went through for THIS child. I remember the doctor’s report regarding the abilty to conceive THIS child…. but God.
P.S x2 – Please keep us in prayer as ovulation time is approaching and we are standing in faith that God can do it THIS month! I’ll be sharing our specific prayer requests here and also on my instagram page as the need arises.
P.S x3 – I love ya’ll SO much! Thank you for all of the love and support as we journey towards growing our family.