I’ve had the privilege to be-“friend” Jasmine on social media for YEARS now! I’m not sure how I came across her page, but it was wayyyy back before we both were married. I’ve watched her plan a wedding, start her own business, retire and SMASH her own business, and even journey to growing her family. Although I may not comment on much, I admire and honor Jasmine as my sister in Christ. Jasmine, thank you so much for your willingness to be transparent and glorify God though this. Thank you for pouring out and refilling the cup of hope for those of us that are still on the journey. Thank you for not forgetting about us. xoxo, Raye.
Let’s talk about losing. According to Merriam-Webster, the definition of losing is resulting in or likely to result in defeat. Another definition is marked by many losses or more losses than wins. Maybe you are like me and have lost a parent, job, spouse, lost a child, loved one, or know someone who has experienced a major loss. Although we all experience losses on different levels, I am confident that God sticks closer to us during those difficult times. Losing a father played a tremendous role throughout my entire life and it still does today. The loss of my father was a major loss that I experienced at such a young age but is not the only loss in my life.
As we grow up, we have this “expectation” of how things are supposed to happen according to our “play book”. Go to school. Find your dream job. Meet the love of your life. Get married. Have children. And drive off into the sunset. But then God smiles and reminds us that he is the one writing this book. Not us.
On June 28, 2014 Devin and I stood before God and a crowd of witnesses declaring that “we do!” We do through the ups, downs, sickness, health, and everything else in between. We prayed and asked God to allow us to enjoy two years of marriage before we start a family. June 28, 2016 we celebrated two years of marriage in Montego Bay, Jamaica and lets just say we had a great time! <3
On July 16, 2016 we were in Florida for a company conference and I kept saying, “my breasts are SOOO sore.” The following day I took two pregnancy tests and I jumped for joy and cried happy tears when I saw those four pink lines appear more and more clear with each changing second. Later that day I told Devin with a Green Bay onesie that read “I LOVE DADDY” and the two pregnancy tests inside the box. OMG! We are having a baby!! One month pregnant and we were PUMPED! Thanks to Jamaica for treating us right on our anniversary. Yeah mon! The next few weeks were filled with cuddles, researching local birthing centers, touring a center, deciding to go the midwife route, picking baby names, figuring out our birth date, praying nightly over my belly, weekly photo updates, and my husband making sure I watched what I ate and where I go.
On August 13, 2016, 8 weeks pregnant, I started to experience spotting. I immediately contacted my midwife and she encouraged me to remain calm and monitor the bleeding. A few hours later the bleeding intensified and we went to the emergency room. 7 hours later, a pelvic and ultrasound exam completed, we heard those dreaded words that pierced like a knife in the chest, ““I’m so sorry! We can’t seem to find a heartbeat. You are high-risk for a miscarriage. Bleeding will continue for the next week or so. Be sure to get plenty of rest.” These words were spoken in a cold hospital room and everything in my life at that moment stopped.
I write this to show that I am human too. I have experienced heartache and life isn’t always picture perfect. I want everyone to think when they ask a woman… “When are you going to have a baby? What are y’all waiting on to have a child? The clocks ticking.” Anyone experiencing this knows these are the WORST things you want to hear. So, instead of rude and insensitive comments lets commit to praying for those ladies in waiting. Let’s stand in the gap and believe God WITH them that His will shall be done and the desires of their hearts shall be granted. Today, we rejoice because two short months later God opened my womb and blessed us with our rainbow baby. To say that we are ecstatic is an understatement. We found out in May 2017 at our gender reveal party that a baby boy is on the way and l will make his grand arrival in late August. Currently, we are 31 weeks pregnant with a just a few short weeks left until we are able to see him face to face. Sister, don’t give up in the midst of adversity. God is mindful of you and knows the desires of your heart. Remain steadfast in your desires.
I’m praying for all the mommas, mommas to be, and future mommas. I have been there! Never stop trusting in God’s plan and remember that his timing is perfect! It’s taken me a long time to realize I’m not the one in control, give it to GOD! You are not alone. I am the mother of an angel baby.
So, as we reflect on the losses in each of our lives, I want to encourage you today to know that God is our Heavenly Father. Every loss though may seem hard at the moment, is always a gain. Through these losses, we gain joy, patience, love, peace, and long suffering.
“We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord.” (2 Cor 5:8).
God never promises that it will be easy but it will all be worth it. The suffering of this present world are not worthy to be compared to the glory that shall be revealed to us in heaven. Our focus is eternity. When we know that we shall see our loved ones again, it brings reassurance that everything is going to be alright.
Love you dearly,